


Discombobulated

by PinkAngel



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-16
Updated: 2014-10-15
Packaged: 2018-02-20 15:44:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 12,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2434214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkAngel/pseuds/PinkAngel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Life is not a story of one moment. A look at three kisses in the lives of Janeway and Chakotay which help to shape their future. Written for VAMB's Secret Summer 2014.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This is the second story based on Hester's Secret Summer request of, "A story that details three J/C kisses (including the when and why)" with the 'Bonus points' of: leola root, talent night, elephants (or alien equivalent), Stardate 47474.7, rubber boots, dandelions. My muse ran with the request, but unfortunately this fic took a little longer to complete.

"Do you see the way he watches her?"

"Yes, father."

"And the way he appears to contemplate both her and the Portal?"

"I do see it. Yes."

"That is his desire. It is she which we need to investigate."

"How?"

"We study them. Do you remember how I taught you to rearrange your physical composition, son? We must traverse time and you will therefore need to keep tight control on your molecular structure. We don't want a repeat of what happened with your brother, now do we?"

"No, sir. I'm ready. I can do it."

"I know you can. All right, son, stay close and remember....we must not interfere directly. We will have to observe closely, to become one with both of the Subjects so as to truly understand. Are you sure you are prepared for the transition?"

"I already said I was."

"Very well. Let us begin."

 


	2. Chapter 2

The planet Vattalla was relatively small in comparison to its neighboring uninhabitable planets. Its cities were well kept and held a warmth that came with content inhabitants. Vattallans for their part were equally warm and polite. Chakotay had yet to find one who hadn't offered him a smile instantaneously upon meeting. It was a welcome change after the last couple of weeks passing through pirate infested space.

The Vattallans had invited the crew to explore their planet and beseeched the command officers to attend a celebration taking place later in the evening. It was an offer which couldn't be turned down. Even Tuvok hadn't been able to find fault with accepting the invitation.

Now, as Chakotay stood under the warm afternoon sun and felt a fresh breeze blow gently over the landscape, he was even more pleased that the Captain had taken the Vattallans up on their offer. The sparsely wooded area he and Kathryn were exploring wasn't far from the capital city. In fact in the distance he could make out the large buildings against the blue cloudless skyline.

This area they were traversing was a park of sorts, a reservation for the wildlife and plants for the Vattallans to enjoy as they saw fit. Chakotay felt he could spend days leisurely walking through the trees and studying the alien flora. He was fairly sure Kathryn felt the same way, judging by the exhilarated half-smile she'd worn the majority of their tour.

His reveling in the comfortable breeze and pleasant smells of the woods was interrupted when Beghi, the Vattallan ambassador tasked with guiding them in their tour, stepped up next to him.

"Ah, I see you've found the Portal," Beghi said calmly, a proud smile appearing on his tanned face.

Chakotay followed his gaze to where the Captain was knelt down next to a formation of perfectly smooth rocks placed in an octagonal shape. It was close to eight or ten feet across and didn't appear all that exciting at first glance. As he and Beghi approached, however, Chakotay caught a shimmering coming from inside. The closer he went the more obvious it was that it was no regular formation of rocks.

He was completely captivated by the time he reached Kathryn's side and knelt down next to her. Inside the octagon of rocks, almost as if hovering over the ground, was a fluid-like mass of swirling blues and purples. It wasn't liquid, nor was it solid, but he couldn't call it gaseous either. It was hypnotizing to watch, that much he knew. With a glance to his side at Kathryn he could see that her inner scientist was equally captivated by the phenomenon as well.

"If I had to take a guess," she began, her gaze still focused intently on the Portal. "I'd say this was the source of those tachyon readings Harry picked up."

"He couldn't pinpoint where those readings were coming from," he pointed out. "It might have been from the proto-nebula nearby."

Kathryn didn't respond at first. She continued to study the Portal, running a hand along the smooth rock barrier as if analyzing its texture. "Beghi," she called and finally tore her gaze away as she stood. "With the Council’s permission I'd like to have one of my officers take a scan of this 'portal'."

Beghi shook his head, appearing genuinely apologetic. "No no, I'm sorry, Captain, but that's forbidden. There are to be no scans of the Portal. You're of course free to study it up close, but no use of tricorders or other instruments are allowed."

Chakotay could sense Kathryn's disappointment as she glanced back down at the Portal. "What exactly is the Portal, Beghi?" he asked, hoping perhaps they could find out _something_ about the object at least.

The question seemed to cheer the Vattallan up, his apologetic expression being replaced with a smile once more. "You give the Portal your name and in return the Portal gives you a message. Some say they are messages from your future self," he explained. "Others claim it is a single being from another reality. Still others believe it to be someone, or even a multitude, capable of seeing into another's soul and in effect their past and future. The Portal is, in the end, a conduit for advice. It reads your inner most desires and suggests a path for you to take."

He didn't need to see Kathryn's face to know she didn't quite believe the explanation. Her scientific nature was too strong to believe such a story so easily. He himself found his curiosity peeked, but even he was doubtful. It wouldn't be the first 'wishing well' or supposedly psychic instrument he'd run across.

"If only we could run a tricorder scan," he heard Kathryn mutter before she propped a hand on her hip and began walking around the octagon with a thoughtful expression.

"How does it work exactly," he asked while returning his attention to the swirling mass of colors.

"Here," Beghi said, bending to pick up one of the stones scattered around the small clearing. He moved over to Chakotay and handed him the rock. "You simply etch your name onto one of these stones and throw it in."

"Etch my name into it?" He turned the stone over in his hand with a thoughtful look. "With what?"

Beghi chuckled and bent down to pick up a small twig which he then presented to Chakotay. "The Flifila stones are very soft and Kera trees are very strong. The two together will solve your problem." He gestured to the two objects and took a step back. "Give it a try, Commander."

Chakotay hesitated a moment, but then did as Beghi suggested. He ran the end of the twig down the surface of the rock and, to his surprise, a darker line followed in the twig's wake. It wasn't only a mark, but a shallow crevice now etched in the stone. Again he ran the twig down the surface of the rock and once again it worked.

"Your name, Commander," Beghi pointed out. "The Portal needs your name before it can impart its wisdom."

Chakotay was about to decline, unsure whether messing with such an unknown object was such a good idea, but with once glance at the Captain who was still studying the Portal intently he changed his mind. Perhaps this would give them more answers. If not answers than at least something further to peek the Captain's interest. Slowly he etched his name into the stone. When he was finished he looked up and received an approving smile from Beghi who then gestured to the Portal without another word.

Chakotay looked over at Kathryn as he approached the Portal. She was on the other side, now studying an engraving on part of the rock wall, and not really paying much attention to him. Her intent stare and thoughtful expression was nearly as hypnotizing as the Portal. Seeing her so focused on something that wasn't a report or life threatening was a rare thing these days. It seemed like it'd been forever since he'd been able to watch her solve a scientific puzzle without the threat of death hanging over them.

His gaze finally drifted from her to the unidentifiable pool of blues and purples. It was almost as beautiful and awe inspiring as Kathryn. He turned the stone over in his hand absentmindedly as he stared at the swirling mass and before his brain caught up with him he flicked his wrist and tossed the rock into the Portal.

The stone fell into the pool without a sound and disappeared completely as it sunk into the abyss. He felt more than saw Kathryn's steely eyes on him as she glanced from the Portal to him and back. He waited, as did she, with baited breath for something to happen. There was no voice imparting advice though, no message appearing out of thin air, and no change to the Portal itself. There was nothing.

He glanced off to the side at Beghi who simply continued to smile, completely at ease and without a care. He didn't seem surprised in the least that nothing had happened. Chakotay wondered briefly if perhaps he'd done something wrong, or if the Portal only worked with Vattallans, or if maybe the whole story had just been a joke all along.

He met Kathryn's eyes over the Portal briefly before she arched an eyebrow and stood. Before either of them could comment on the lack of activity from the Portal Beghi unfolded his hands from behind his back and stepped forward.

"We should return to the city," he said. "The sun will be setting soon and we don't want to be late for the celebration. Come come," he added, gesturing back in the direction they'd come. "The transport station is back this way."

Kathryn walked around the rock formation, casting one last lingering look at the Portal in the process, before following after Beghi. Chakotay lagged behind for a second, he too taking one last look at the mysterious phenomenon. However, just as he was about to follow Kathryn and Beghi, he heard a 'pop' behind him. Turning he saw a piece of worn parchment laying atop the mist like pool.

He glanced over his shoulder at the others before stepping closer and cautiously leaning over to grab the paper, careful not to let his hand touch the unknown substance swirling underneath. As he pulled away, paper firmly in hand, he half expected something else to happen. Nothing did.

"Chakotay?"

He turned away from the Portal at the sound of his Captain's call and quickly caught up with them. Kathryn shot him a questioning look as he fell into step beside her, but he only shook his head since Beghi was explaining another of their cultural customs involving celebrations. He would just have to tell her about the parchment later.

 

* * *

 

 

The Vattallans it seemed threw parties as warm and cheerful as their society in general. There was much laughing, lavish amounts of a wide assortment of food, and an equally wide variety of drinks to suite every taste. He himself had discovered a desert type confection that made his taste buds practically throw a party of their own. It was sweet, somewhat sticky, and made of a cookie like substance that was orange. He'd had four of them so far and would gladly give up the rest of the assorted food platters for just those. He'd give up nutritious food in general for a lifetime supply.

Kathryn enjoyed them too he'd noticed, along with a pinkish elongated fruit, and had already bartered to have a few crates of each added to the supplies they'd negotiated for. He could only hope Neelix didn't try experimenting with the already perfect confections.

As Kathryn passed with Beghi and a Council member he caught her eye and smiled lightly. Once the Vattallan chef he was speaking with finished his story and the others mingling around began to laugh Chakotay excused himself and followed after the trio. He caught up with them just as they stopped by a set of open balcony doors, Kathryn in the doorway so the moonlight created an almost halo like effect around her frame. He couldn't help but to subtly admire the spectacle for a moment as he joined the group.

The moment he was standing next to the Captain, Penha, a Councilman, smiled in his direction. Something about that expecting smile uneased him. "I heard you used the Portal, Commander. Very good! What did your message say?"

Besides the fact that he hadn't yet mentioned the note he'd received to anyone, he wasn't so sure he wanted to share its contents before he himself even knew what those contents were. With the celebration starting almost as soon as they'd reached the city the note had slipped his mind.

"I haven't read it yet myself, Councilman," he answered and noted the arched eyebrow he received from Kathryn. She didn't need to say anything for him to know she was wondering why he hadn't told her about receiving such a message. The note suddenly seemed to burn through his undershirt from its resting place under his uniform jacket.

Unaware of his unease, or perhaps simply ignoring it, Penha chuckled. "It's tradition to read the message aloud and to then act on it, Commander. If you seek the Portal's advice it is only right that you make use of it."

"It is true, Commander," said another Vattallan representative as she joined the group.  "It is customary."

He glanced to his side at Kathryn, but he quickly realized he'd be getting no assistance from her this time. So instead of putting off what seemed inevitable he pulled out the note and began unfolding it, not quite sure what to expect. To his surprise it was written in a perfectly legible Federation Standard. He cleared his throat and began reading the short message aloud....

' _Kiss her under the Roka's light before you lose her forever_ '

He stared down at the message and re-read it silently to himself just to make sure he'd read the words correctly. He had. There was no doubt in his mind who the 'her' was. There was really only one 'her' that could be defined as perpetually on his mind. Only one 'her' that he sometimes found himself dreaming about kissing. Only the one 'her' whose name was engraved on his heart.

There was only one Kathryn Janeway.

As the implications of the message hit he felt his cheeks heating and was nearly certain that there was at least a faint blush tenting his face now. Judging by the clear amusement in the Vattallans' faces when he finally dared to look up he was quite sure of it.

Fortunately for him, and for his relationship with his Captain, there was no way anyone gathered could know who the 'her' was supposed to be. In fact he couldn't even be sure the message was specifically aimed at Kathryn. It seemed like a generic note really. A fortune that was likely given to many others before him and would be repeated to many more after him. It was only his own inner desire that automatically associated the 'her' with Kathryn. For that matter he didn't even know what a Roka’s light was.

"Well, Commander....Captain.....go ahead," Beghi suddenly said, being the first to speak after the initial reading. He sounded completely casual about the whole thing. As if it were everyday he implied that a captain and first officer should become physically intimate.

Chakotay looked at the Ambassador, slightly taken aback, and unsure how to respond. He opened his mouth, still not quite sure what he'd say, but fortunately Kathryn beat him to it.

"Excuse me?" she asked, a hint of disbelief clear in her tone.

One sideways glance and Chakotay could tell she was already reinforcing the barriers of her emotional control, strengthening the inherent 'captain' portion of her personality. He could practically see the guarded look in her eyes doubling in intensity.

"The Roka's light, Captain," Penha answered and pointed with two fingers at the two moons shining high in the night sky. "When our two moons are next to each other like so it is called the Roka."

"And you're standing under it, Captain," Beghi pointed out, his grin widening.

Chakotay had already noticed how the moonlight had been encapsulating her, giving her an angelic halo almost. He looked over anyway, his eyes tracing the outline of her face, and then met her eyes. They shared a look, his uncertain and hers tense and well-guarded.

"It seems a very vague message," Kathryn said upon breaking eye contact.

"But yet it holds true," the Councilwoman replied. "How often is the Commander going to have the opportunity to kiss anyone under the Roka’s light? _Voyager_ leaves tomorrow, does it not?"

"It's tradition, Captain," Penha added.

He and Kathryn shared a sideways look as they silently communicated. It was obvious that they were both uncomfortable with the idea, for various reasons, but at the same time they were guests here. The Vattallans had been more than generous. They'd even made a point to study some of Earth’s customs and made each member of the crew feel at home as best they could. Arguing over whether or not to uphold one of their traditions in return seemed trivial.

"Very well," Kathryn agreed, though it seemed she was speaking mostly to herself as if finalizing her own internal debate. She turned towards him fully, her gaze focused intently on him. "Commander?"

He couldn't read anything from her expression. The tension in her frame was obvious to him though. The knowledge that she was so uncomfortable with the situation caused him to hesitate. This wasn't how he'd ever imagined their first kiss to go. And oh how many times he had imagined such a scenario. He'd always imagined the experience would come about due to their own passions, their own inability to control their desires any longer. He'd always believed, perhaps foolishly, that any intimate relationship between them would begin due to their own willingness to act on their feelings.

This wasn't right, but yet he couldn't deny the swell of excitement that washed over him at the thought of what was to come. It was just a kiss, he reminded himself. It wasn't as if they were engaging in anything further. This wouldn't change their working relations or their personal relationship. They were at this moment still Captain and First Officer.

"My pleasure, Captain," he said with a teasing smile. He thought he pulled it off admirably well considering his true nervousness. It was meant to diffuse the tension which it seemed it did considering the chuckle from Beghi.

Kathryn arched an eyebrow and the corner of her lips twitched upwards in amusement. At first glance it would appear genuine enough, but he doubted its sincerity. He cleared his throat and took a step closer. When she didn't back away he tried to relax, but the tension in his shoulders wouldn't ease any more than it seemed her own tension would.

This shouldn't be so difficult. It was only a kiss. A simple kiss. It could even be claimed as a kiss between friends. But it wasn't that simple, was it? He'd never felt as if they were 'just friends'. For him there was always something more resting unspoken between them. Something they once alluded to, but nothing more than that. He'd wondered not long ago if such feelings were only on his part, but seeing her so guarded made him believe otherwise. That thought alone caused his heart to leap into his throat.

It seemed like a span of several minutes before he was close enough to lean in, though logically he knew it had only been a few mere seconds. With their eyes locked he brought a hand up and hesitantly cupped her face, his thumb softly running over her cheek to assure her that everything would be alright.

There was no need for this to change anything.

They would still be just Captain and Commander.

He would be able to work with her still without remembering the feel of her lips.

Chakotay repeated the mantra over and over to himself to make himself believe it. He swallowed thickly as his gaze traveled from her eyes down to her lips. Those lips had tempted him so many times before. When she gave commands with utmost certainty, when she smiled or laughed, and when she smirked at him over the rim of her coffee mug. Those lips had captivated him more than once.

Now he would know, finally, what they were really like, whether she would taste like the coffee she so enjoyed, and if those lips were as tender yet powerful as she herself was. He wasn't sure his heart would be able to survive this.

She seemed to note his hesitation and in response leaned just a fraction closer to him, just enough to reassure him that it was indeed alright. How often would he actually be given permission to kiss his captain? Not nearly as often as he would admittedly like.

Before he lost his nerve completely he closed the distance between and pressed his lips against hers in a feather light touch. It was a soft kiss, their lips just barely touching at all, but from even the meager contact he felt an exhilarating warmth shoot down his spine. Even his lips themselves seemed to burn in a pleasurable wave of heat.

Something in him stirred as his heart pounded against his ribcage and, judging by how her lips parted slightly, he'd guess she was in the same position. What he knew for sure by the time she broke the kiss and he forced himself to take a step back....

Her lips were even closer to paradise than he could ever have imagined.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from Janeway's POV.

Applause filled the messhall as Pablo Baytart moved through the mass of chairs to the space cleared of any obstructive objects and turned to face the audience. Pablo was always a hit with the Talent Night crowd. But then again everyone was always a hit. Kathryn believed it was simply the fact that it was a break from the monotony that caused such reactions. Anyone and everyone's 'talent' was wonderful if it meant seeing each other doing something other than the usual day-to-day shipboard actions.

That and Baytart really  _was_ a proficient juggler. 

"I heard he was going to juggle Harry's clarinet tonight," Chakotay whispered while leaning in closer to her from his seat next to hers. "But Harry managed to steal it back before the show."

Kathryn chuckled, not sure whether to believe such a story or not. She wouldn't be surprised if it were true. "That would explain why Harry is being so protective of it tonight." With a subtle tilt of her head she indicated the ensign in question who sat on the other side of the room. The clarinet was resting on his lap, but both of his hands were laying on the instrument in a vice like grip while he stared at Baytart with an unamused glare. "You know what I heard though...."

"What?" Chakotay asked with a slight lingering of laughter in his voice.

"I heard that the First Officer would be performing tonight."

"Well you know what they say about hearsay and rumors....."

"Am I to take it that my reliable source was wrong?"

"I hate to tell you this, Captain," he began. "But your reliable source is wrong. Besides," he added, his attention seemingly focused on Baytart as the pilot began juggling three phasers. "I would hardly call Tom Paris a 'reliable' source."

She wasn’t going to question how he’d guessed Tom as the source. "You might be surprised," she alluded simply instead.

Before Chakotay could reply a cheer erupted from the audience as Pablo finished his routine. The pilot took a dramatic bow as the crew applauded before he made his way back to his seat so the next person could go up.

"Captain, Commander," Neelix greeted as he slid through the chairs with a pot of what appeared to be coffee. The telltale grin on his face was suspiciously reminiscent of the one he usually wore after coming up with a new recipe. "I just finished this pot of coffee and thought you might like some, Captain."

Kathryn glanced down at her empty coffee mug and then back at the pot of coffee. It appeared to be the right consistency and color, but with that look on Neelix’s face it was hard to tell. She shared a brief sideways look with Chakotay and could tell he was thinking along the same lines as she herself.

"It's dandelion coffee," Neelix added, seemingly unaware of their suspicions.

Almost instantly she perked up, her curiosity now peeked. It'd been a long time since she'd had dandelion coffee. Her mind flashed back to her Academy days and the little cafe just off Starfleet grounds which used to make the richest dandelion coffee she'd ever had. With that memory so vivid she couldn't turn down the offer of something that reminded her home, no matter who it was coming from.

"Thank you, Neelix. I'd love some," she answered and held up her cup for the talaxian to fill.

Once her cup was full Neelix turned to Chakotay. "Would you like me to top yours off, Commander?"

Chakotay glanced from the pot to her full cup and then met her eyes with slight uncertainty. She smirked back in return. With an almost silent sigh he nodded and held up his cup. "Sure, Neelix."

As Neelix added more coffee to Chakotay's half full cup she brought her own up to rest against her lips. Before taking a sip she inhaled the aroma and let the smell fill her senses. It smelled just like the coffee from the cafe all those years ago. As if in tandem both she and Chakotay took a sip at the same time.

And both nearly spit it out at the same time.

Chakotay swallowed and began to cough, almost spluttering, while she forced herself to swallow and tried not to grimace. She was half-way certain that the only reason she didn't cough as well was because her taste buds were too shocked. The sickening taste, almost moldy flavor, lingered in her mouth and it was all she could do not too demand water to wash it down.

"Neelix," she began with a forced calm, but with an edge of disgust still evident in her voice. "I thought you said this was dandelion coffee."

"It is, Captain," he assured her, his face showing his obvious confusion and disappointment.

"I've had dandelion coffee before, Neelix. And this isn't it."

The Talaxian tapped his fingers against the pot he held firmly between his hands. "Well, I did add a couple of extra ingredients."

As dread washed over her she felt her stomach tighten into a knot as the coffee hit her stomach. "What kind of ingredients?"

"Nothing much. Just something to give it a bit more flavor."

"What kind of ingredients, Neelix?" she asked more firmly.

The Talaxian brightened slightly as he launched into an explanation. "This wonderful spice I found in the replicator files called nutmeg"

"And...."

"Leola root."

"Leola root?" she echoed disbelievingly. "You put leola root in dandelion coffee?"

"And nutmeg."

"Has quite the....kick," Chakotay muttered while staring down at the dark bitter liquid in his cup.

"Oh here, Commander, there's just enough left for you to have some more."

Chakotay shook his head immediately. "No, Neelix, that's alright," he quickly answered.

Neelix, grinning broadly, poured the remainder of the dandelion and Leola root mixture into Chakotay's already full cup. "There you go."

"Thanks, Neelix."

If the Talaxian noticed the dry sarcasm in Chakotay's voice he didn't show it. With his cheerful expression still in place he went to speak, but Tom calling him over cut off anything he was going to say. Kathryn chuckled as Chakotay visibly relaxed at Neelix's departure.

"I'm glad you found that amusing, Captain."

"If I have to endure this than...." Her reply was cut off by a sudden sharp pain shooting through her stomach. Fortunately the gathered crew cheered just in time to cover up what she had started to say so Chakotay didn't notice. She took a deep breath and fought through the pain until it faded away. With a glance over at Chakotay she was glad to see he was focused entirely on Harry and Nicoletti's rendition of 'Blue Skies'. 

With an arched eyebrow she studied the dark liquid in her coffee cup for a moment. Not only did it taste horrible, but her stomach was apparently revolted by it. Sometimes she was forced to wonder if Neelix was in fact trying to kill her. With a roll of her eyes she turned her attention to the performance, the brief pain and horrible taste now pushed to the back of her mind.

 

* * *

 

Something was very wrong. She'd had sexual urges before, it was almost unavoidable, but never before had Kathryn felt so completely driven to act on those urges. It was taking all her restraint not to give in. She needed to resist though. She _had_ to.

Jumping her First Officer and ripping his clothes off wasn't an option. Letting her hands roam all over his chest wasn't possible. Doing any of the many things that had flashed through her mind in the last two hours was without a doubt unacceptable.  None of the things she felt the desire to do to her First Officer were even remotely conceivable in their current situation.

The desire remained though. No matter what mantra she repeated, or how much she busied herself with reports, or how many calming breathes she took the urge to claim Chakotay as hers wouldn't go away. Her hands itched to touch him and her lips yearned to explore every inch of his body. The worst part was that it was becoming increasingly more difficult to come up with a good reason not to do so.

When her senses had been overwhelmed by his unique scent, something that she'd never smelled so strongly before, while they were on the bridge she knew it was time to seek medical help. With her jaw set she strode purposefully into sickbay. As expected the Doctor walked out of his office the moment she arrived. She noted his somewhat cocky smile, but didn't have time to dance around the subject and even less time to deal with any lecture about how she never came for a checkup unless she needed him.

"I have a problem, Doctor," she stated firmly, cutting off anything he would consider saying.

The EMH scoffed and rolled his eyes as he busied himself with a tray of instruments. "Of course. You wouldn't bother just stopping by for a visit without being mortally wounded or...."

"Doctor," she interrupted, her jaw clenching as she narrowed her eyes at him.

He appeared to get the message and sighed. "Very well, Captain. Have a seat," he instructed, gesturing to the nearest biobed. She moved stiffly to the indicated bed and slid onto the edge. "What seems to be the problem?" the Doctor asked as he retrieved his tricorder. 

She hesitated a moment while trying to find the best way to phrase the situation. She quickly discovered that no matter how she put it or which scientific words she used it all boiled down to the same thing. "I'm having uncontrollable urges to.....engage in sexual relations with my First Officer."

The statement was met by silence as the Doctor ran the tricorder over her while she sat stiffly on the side of the biobed. The Doctor's expression didn't change though. He didn't seemed surprised at all, she realized.

"Oh, is that all," the EMH said calmly after what had felt to her as an eternity of awkward silence.

She watched him closely, looking for any sigh whatsoever of shock or horror or any form of judgment. "Is that all?" she repeated incredulously.

"Well quite honestly, Captain, with the way you marched in here like there was a Kolar beast on your tail I thought it was an emergency"

"This _is_ an emergency, Doctor."

With a roll of his eyes the Doctor put the tricorder away. "Captain, just because you and the Commander have discovered some residual tension and are..."

"This isn't 'residual tension'. I'm having an uncontrollable urge to have intimation relations with my First Officer. In fact I'm finding it increasingly more difficult not to jump off this biobed and hunt him down right now. If he were to walk into this room at the moment I'm fairly sure you'd witness something that no amount of extensive programming would prepare you for."

"I see." The Doctor looked her over and she had no doubt that he noticed the glare she was directing at him.  "Well I suppose I could run a few tests..."

"That would be appreciated," she stated dryly.

 

* * *

 

"So far everything looks normal other than some slightly off hormone levels," the Doctor reported twenty minutes later. "I'm going to run a more specialized test on your blood sample though and...."

The moment the sickbay doors began to slide open Kathryn tensed and her senses were once more abruptly heightened. Suddenly all she could smell was the earthy scent of Chakotay. Sure enough her First Officer walked through the door a second later, his brows creased in concentration, but stopped dead in his tracks as soon as his gaze fell on her. Their eyes met and the universe itself suddenly seemed to freeze.

It took all her control not to run to him like everything in her was screaming at her to do. Her grip tightened on the edge of the biobed and her pulse quickened. Even her mouth suddenly went dry as her stomach twisted into a knot. The heat she felt radiating from herself was mirrored in his eyes as he stared at her with an intensity she'd never seen him exhibit before.

"Was there something you needed, Commander?" the Doctor suddenly asked, effectively breaking her from the hypnotic state.

She immediately broke eye contact with Chakotay and slid off the biobed. "I'll get back to you later, Doctor," she stated, her voice remaining calm when she felt as if she were anything but. She didn't wait to hear his reply before making her way out.

As she passed Chakotay she made a point not to look at him even though she could feel his eyes watching her every move. Once out of sickbay, and with the door safely between her and her First Officer, she kept walking. At this point it didn't even matter where she wound up, just as long as she was well out of range of Chakotay.

 

* * *

 

Barely an hour had passed and Kathryn still found the desire, the _need_ , to be close to Chakotay as strong as it'd been when she'd first woken up earlier that morning. She had hoped it would dull, but if anything it was only increasing. She could barely focus on the Security report in her hands. Every time she started a sentence the words would blur and images, very vivid images, would flash though her mind's eye. She was never before so glad to be in her Ready Room, away from prying eyes of the crew and any possible telepaths.

If anyone took a look at her thoughts at the moment she was halfway certain she'd be relieved of command for the inappropriate thoughts she was having regarding her own First Officer. Even she herself kept berating herself whenever one of the more risqué thoughts popped into her head.

This couldn't keep going that much she knew for a fact.

" _Sickbay to Captain Janeway_."

Kathryn tapped her commbadge, suddenly grateful for the interruption. "Janeway here. Yes, Doctor?"

" _Captain, I believe I have found the cause of your trouble. I'd like you to come back down to sickbay_."

For a moment her gaze flickered to the door of her ready room. She'd last seen Chakotay in sickbay, but chances were he wasn't still there. Though she really wasn't quite sure what he'd been doing there in the first place. It was more likely that he was now on the bridge, where he was supposed to be this time of day. If she went quickly, but calmly, through the bridge to the turbolift than it was possible they wouldn't even have to see each other. And then maybe she wouldn't have to fight the urge to follow through with what nearly every part of her being was telling her to do.

"I'll be right down, Doctor. Janeway out," she answered. With a deep breath she stood and readied herself to leave her sanctuary.

 

* * *

 

"You wanted to see me, Doctor?" Kathryn asked as she strode into sickbay for the second time that day.

"Ah, Captain," the Doctor began. The self-satisfied smile he wore didn't seem to match the anxiety she could feel building up. "I believe I've found what is causing your problem."

"So you said," she replied flatly.

The Doctor walked to the console and pulled up a blood analysis, which Kathryn assumed was hers.

"It would seem that Mr. Neelix has created a very potent aphrodisiac."

"A what?"

"An aphrodisiac. It's a..."

"I know what it is, Doctor," she interrupted sharply. "How did Neelix possibly create one and what does it have to do with my...condition."

"If you recall he created a new beverage he attempted to pass off as dandelion coffee," the Doctor began to explain. "Apparently the ingredients he used had an interesting chemical reaction that, basically, act as an aphrodisiac. And you ingested some, Captain."

An aphrodisiac. That horrendous coffee had been an aphrodisiac. An incredibly strong one considering she'd only had one sip and it was causing such a powerful and lingering reaction. As her mind whirled with the implications something else suddenly dawned on her. Chakotay had some of the dandelion coffee the night before as well.

"Doctor, how did you know I'd ingested that coffee....?”

"Commander Chakotay," the Doctor answered. "I'm sure you remember seeing him just before you left so abruptly," he added dryly. "He managed to stay long enough that we were actually able to figure out what could possibly have been the cause. He believed that the only thing the two of you both ingested that wasn't something you'd normally ingest was that coffee Mr. Neelix was so 'thoughtful' as to provide you with."

Kathryn pinched the bridge of her nose as she listened to the explanation. "And just how long will this effect last?"

"It's hard to say, Captain. It could be a few more hours or a few more minutes, depending on how long it takes for the substance to leave your system. Without knowing very much about this specific chemical reaction..."

"I understand," she interrupted as her patience grew thinner. "If you had to guess...."

"I would say most likely twelve to twenty-four hours."

"Is there anything you can give me to at least mute the effects?"

"Commander Chakotay asked the same thing," the Doctor said sounding annoyed. "And my answer remains the same. I don't know enough about the substance Neelix created to do so. I could attempt to do so, but it would take time and you'd be better off just letting it wear off naturally. You and Commander Chakotay will just have to keep your distance for a while."

She fought the urge to roll her eyes at the answer. Avoiding Chakotay was the one thing she already knew she needed to do. "Thank you, Doctor," she said nonetheless. Just as she was about to retreat back to her Ready Room another thought struck her. "Why Chakotay," she asked aloud with a thoughtful expression as she reviewed the situation in her head.

"Excuse me?"

She glanced briefly at the Doctor upon realizing he had in fact heard her. "I'm only having this reaction to Chakotay.....but why only him?”

The Doctor shrugged as he went about his work. "There's no telling, Captain. It could be because he was the first person you had contact with after ingesting the coffee, it could be that it’s simply the way his pheromones and your pheromones interact, perhaps because you were the only two who had the dandelion coffee, or it could even be that the mixture has just heightened previously repressed attraction. There are an infinite number of variables in this case."

Kathryn nodded, still focused on her own debate of the issue, before turning to leave.

 

* * *

 

The call she had received from Harry had been vague. After running into a distortion pocket around a Dichromatic nebula and getting away with only minor damage she had once again retreated to the sanctuary of her ready room only to be summoned back to the bridge by the Operation's Manager. When he'd informed her that there had been a 'flooding' in cargo bay 2 her first thought had been a ruptured conduit. She hadn't expected the 'flood' to consist of Leola root.

As she stood in the doorway of the cargo bay she began wondering when Neelix had acquired so many crates of the vegetable. The cargo bay was littered with Leola root over nearly every square inch. With the majority of the crew dispatched to various parts of the ship to conduct repairs or diagnostics it left few crewmembers to clean up the low priority mess.

She rolled her eyes upwards and released a long breath before stepping fully into the cargo bay. She nudged a piece of Leola root with the tip of her boot just as the door slid opened behind her. The effect seemed instantaneous. Her muscles tensed and she was suddenly very much aware of a now familiar scent enticing her senses.

"I heard about what happened," came the voice she knew was coming.

The words seemed to rumble through the room and for a moment she wondered if the sudden increase of temperature she felt was because the environmental controls had stopped working. Somehow she doubted that was the reason.

"So I thought I'd come down to lend a hand," Chakotay continued. "I didn't know you'd had the same idea," he added with a strained chuckle.

He hadn't come any closer, she quickly noticed, and the sound of his forced laughter told her that he was likely feeling the same nearly uncontrollable desires that were cursing through her. This situation they found themselves in couldn't end well if it persisted. She'd kept distance between them all day for this exact reason.

"Great minds think alike," she replied with as much calm and composure as she would if they were discussing the weather during a leisurely day on Risa. She silently cursed herself for the images of Chakotay on Risa, wearing nothing but swimming bottoms and a dimpled grin, which suddenly flashed through her mind.

She hadn't yet turned around to face him and was suddenly glad about that when her face, along with other part of her anatomy, began to heat up. She took a deep calming breath and stepped closer to one of the turned over crates, putting some added distance between her and Chakotay, while a strained silence fell between them.

She made a point to focus on the Leola root and other safe thoughts, but she was so focused on anything other than him that she didn't notice he'd moved until the door slid shut. With a sense of relief she looked up, expecting him to have done the logical thing and left, but to her growing dread he was still in the room. The few feet of distance between them made her feel as if they were both suffocatingly close and yet too far away.

As their eyes met she vaguely noted in the back of her mind that at least she wasn't feeling the need to physically tackle him any longer. Though the urge to remove his clothing piece by piece was still quite strong. They remained standing still in the silence for a few long, seemingly endless, seconds before she tore her eyes away and he shifted his weight in an uncomfortable manner.

"Well, Commander," she began, making a point to keep her gaze and her hands firmly away from his vicinity. "A clean-up team should arrive in a few minutes, so if you have this under control I think I'll head to Engineering to check in with B'Elanna."

She was already on her way back to the door, making a wide berth around him, and didn't stop to hear his reply. As she reached the door she came to a forced stop however. The door hadn't opened at her approach. It was still firmly closed and showed no signs of even recognizing that she was there. She stepped closer, hoping it would do the trick, but the door still remained closed.

She thought she heard Chakotay softly curse from behind her as she laid a hand on the unmoving door. He obviously recognized the problem as well. "Janeway to Torres," she said with a tap of her commbadge.

The commline opened with a chirp and soon the Chief Engineer's voice followed. " _Torres here. I hope you're not calling to report a malfunction too, Captain, because I'm...._ "

"I'm sorry to say that I am, B'Elanna," she answered, cutting off any rant that could ensue. "It seems that Commander Chakotay and I are stuck in cargo bay 2. The door won’t open and unless I'm mistaken there's no EPI capacitor stored in here."

A slight paused followed before B'Elanna, sounding distracted, replied. " _There have been reports of malfunctioning doors and replicators coming in by the dozens within the last five minutes or so. And before you ask, no, the internal transporters are offline. I'm sorry, Captain, but it looks like you'll be stuck in there for a few minutes. I'll send a repair team to try to get you out as soon as we can though I promise_."

Kathryn bowed her head and pinched the bridge of her nose at the report. For a brief second she wished she'd never left the sanctuary of her ready room. "Acknowledged," she replied. "Do what you can, Lieutenant. And keep us updated. Janeway out."

"Well," Chakotay said from behind her and she could swear there was a trace of amusement in his voice. "It looks like we'll be stuck in here together for a while."

Her jaw ticked in annoyance at his blatant amusement and she found herself rolling her eyes as she turned back to face him. "We might as well make use of the time," she said, ignoring his cheerfulness and keeping her gaze downcast as she made a point to study the Leola root again. "Care to lend a hand with this mess, Commander?"

"I'd love to, Captain."

 

* * *

 

They'd been picking up Leola root and returning them to crates for several minutes. Kathryn kept her attention focused on the job at hand and after a while it had become easier to block Chakotay out entirely. The problem with making a point to ignore him, and it becoming easier to do so, was that occasionally they would bump into each other. A couple times now they had backed up into each other, at one point causing Chakotay to jump away so quickly that he dropped the arm load of Leola root he'd been carrying. She hoped they'd one day be able to laugh as easily about this whole dandelion coffee situation as they'd laughed at the dropping of Leola root.

Another muttered curse, this one sounding more like annoyance than the surprised one earlier, came from Chakotay's general direction and she looked up to find her First Officer trying to balance an arm load of the sickening vegetables. The problem, she quickly realized, was that a couple were trying to slip from the pile and it would likely mean the rest would follow.

With an amused smirk she tossed the few she'd just picked up into a crate and walked over to take a few of the roots from him so he could catch the ones trying to escape. He smiled his thanks as they carried the bundles over to a crate and deposited them.

"Thanks, Kathryn," he said with a chuckle.

"Anytime."

They both looked up, instinctively making eye contact as they'd done a hundred times before, but this time the connection seemed to set the air around them ablaze. They were too close, she absentmindedly realized. This could only lead to an even more awkward situation. She needed to move away, to keep the distance between them for both of their sakes as well as the continued smooth function of the ship.

She knew what she _should_ do, but the heat of his gaze was all consuming and she found herself transfixed. No matter what the voice in her head yelled, no matter what warning bells went off, her body wouldn't listen. Without a sound being uttered his hand slid along the rim of the crate until it met hers. She felt his fingers slowly, almost hesitantly, inching their way across hers and sending tingling sparks up her arm. Gradually the logical voice in her head became softer and softer until she couldn't hear it anymore at all. All she could hear was the pounding of her heart and all she was aware of was the warmth in his eyes as he stared intently at her, his gaze traveling from her eyes to her lips and back and leaving her feeling as if he'd physically traced the pattern.

The outside world began to become a haze as his hand traveled over her wrist and slowly made its way up her arm, over her shoulder, until it cupped her cheek tenderly. Her eyes slid closed at the reverent touch, but opened once more when she felt him step closer.

"Kathryn," he breathed out, his eye searching hers with a palpable desperation.

She wasn't entirely sure how it happened, but she found herself leaning in further.

It started as the barest of touches. Her lips found his and it seemed everything around them faded as her world simultaneously exploded. Her heightened senses picked up on every detail. Everywhere his hands roamed felt like a trail of fire was left behind. The feel of his pulse under her hand seemed to match her own erratic heartbeat. All the while their lips danced to the rhythmic beat of their hearts.

She'd never felt so aware, so in tune, before. The kiss was unlike any she'd ever experienced. She didn't want it to end, but even as they grew more fervent, more desperate, she knew it couldn't last. It was only the sound of an outside voice that finally broke through the haze. It took all her self-control to pull away, but even as they did Chakotay wouldn't release the grip he had on her waist.

" _Torres to Janeway_."

She tapped her commbadge and took a step back, trying to put some distance between her and Chakotay again. As she did his hands slid from her waist and hung loosely at his sides. Never once did he stop staring intently at her. "Janeway here," she replied. Her voice wavered only slightly and she hoped it wasn't enough to draw any unwanted attention.

" _We've found the source of the malfunction, Captain, and should have the doors opened in just a second_."

"Acknowledged." She tried to ignore the feel of his eyes on her. With a deep breath she hung her head for a second before straightening and wading through the remaining Leola root towards the door. She heard Chakotay following after her, a muttered curse just barely reaching her ears as he tried to make his way through the vegetables. As if the doors themselves sensed her tension they sprang open the moment she was within range. Once in the corridor she busied herself with congratulating B'Elanna and Tuvok on a job well done, making a point to ignore her First Officer. She couldn't risk being so close to him again.

 

* * *

 

Kathryn tilted her head from side to side and let her eyes close for a brief relaxing second as the Doctor turned to return his medical tricorder to its place on the tray near the biobed. The tension in her frame hadn't lessened, but she was relieved that at least the majority of her driving desire to be near Chakotay had faded. In its place was a tiredness as if her adrenaline had been pumping for a week and was only now washing away. She felt as if she could sleep for the next month in fact.

"Well, Captain," the Doctor began, cutting through the exhausted haze and drawing her attention back to him. "You'll be pleased to know that your hormone levels appear to have leveled out."

"I noticed," she deadpanned.

"It seems all of Mr. Neelix's concoction has left your system," he continued. "I'm prescribing rest for the next twenty-four hours. Maybe you'll actually adhere to it this time," he muttered while looking over data on a PADD.

She had no intention of doing so and they were both well aware of it. First thing in the morning she'd be back on the bridge. Maybe then things would, hopefully, be back to some semblance of normalcy. If she was lucky she and Chakotay would at least be able to look at each other without another incident.

"Thank you, Doctor," she said simply in an effort to end the line of discussion.

The unimpressed expression on the Doctor's face quite clearly said he noted the dismissal and wasn't pleased. With a roll of his eyes he returned the PADD to the tray as well. "I'm surprised Commander Chakotay hasn't stopped by yet."

"We did just get out of the cargo bay twenty minutes ago, Doctor," she pointed out, sliding off the biobed. "He'll no doubt be by soon."

"I thought you and he would both have come sooner," he said nonchalantly. "As soon as the effects began to wear off."

Kathryn paused from her trek towards the exit and turned back to him. "What do you mean, Doctor?" she asked suspiciously.

The EMH glanced up only briefly from re-organizing his instruments. "According to your scans the substance has been gone from your systems for roughly forty minutes."

 

* * *

 

Nearly forty minutes.

The Doctor's words rang in her ears as she strode down the corridor, her expression neutral while her thoughts buzzed chaotically. Nearly forty minutes. The effects of Neelix's coffee would have worn off while they'd been in the cargo bay. When they had kissed....

There hadn't been anything forcing them together. Nothing but their own natural desires. That's what the Doctor's words implied at any rate. Could it be the effects had lingered a little longer afterwards? Perhaps their hormones had still been buzzing. The Doctor had been sure though. Sure that there shouldn't have been any residual driving forces.

She had wanted to kiss him and he had wanted to kiss her, that much seemed obvious enough.

The implications were almost too much to contemplate.

At the moment she was too tired to exert such effort to contemplate the implications anyway. Every fiber of her being was yearning for bed. Perhaps after a good night's sleep she would be able to think more clearly. By tomorrow this whole fiasco would be behind them and they could move on.

Kathryn blew out a long tired breath as she stepped through the door of her quarters. Without a pause in her step she moved to the replicator for a cup of coffee. She stopped short though upon seeing something lying on her dining table. Something she knew for a fact hadn’t been there earlier this morning. It was a dandelion. A dandelion and a Leola root.

Chakotay really did have an interesting sense of humor.


	4. Chapter 4

Kathryn Janeway had seen many things in her lifetime. She'd seen missions go perfectly and she'd seen them go askew in the blink of an eye. She'd seen things go wrong in the most unexpected ways while in the Delta Quadrant especially. One thing that every Starfleet officer eventually learns is that even if you think you've planned everything perfectly, there will always be something that can surprise you. The same was true for her even now. All those years in the Delta Quadrant and life could still surprise her. She supposed that could be considered a good thing.....

Just not when her best friend's life was on the line.

She used the back of her hand to wipe away the perspiration that'd begun forming along her hairline. The humid weather of the planet hadn't bothered her much before, but now she felt it creeping up. Being under the small temporary shelter of cloth and leaves and in such close proximity to a wounded Chakotay wasn't making the sticky heat any more bearable. 

The Bithren weren't the most technologically advanced civilization, but that was by choice. They preferred nature over large cities. They lived in small communities amongst the trees used the natural resources with advanced skill. Unfortunately this meant that their accommodations weren't the most comfortable on a good day.

And the Bithren were not having a good day.

A rare storm had blown in, causing rivers to overflow and trees to fall. The devastation that the massive storm had left in its wake had been bad enough that for once, in an unprecedented move, the Bithren were accepting assistance from outsiders. Starfleet had, of course, jumped at the opportunity. An aid ship had been assigned and along with it a Federation ambassador. The Federation had been vying for Bithren to align with them for years now. The planet's position on the border of Cardassian space was strategically valuable and the rich minerals were just as valuable. It was politics under the guise of a humanitarian effort.

She was aware of the underlying purpose of the mission and she had no doubt the Bithrens did as well. The natives were distant, but polite all the same. As polite as they were, and as hectic as their lives at the moment, they still held strong to their regulations though. And their main regulation was the prohibition of transporters. To transport anything in such a manner would be considered an act of war as far as they were concerned. Which meant Chakotay couldn't be beamed back to the ship.

He needed medical attention and he needed it soon. The native healers were few and were already dispatched to aid the several hundred refugees. The Doctor, who had fortunately requested to come along, had been notified, but without the ability to use the transporters it would take him awhile to reach their location.

As she dipped a cloth in cool water and wiped away the sweat gathering on Chakotay’s forehead she noticed he was beginning to stir. His face scrunched up in pain for a moment as he shifted and, not for the first time, she wished she had more than just the basic medkit. There was only so much she could do for a cracked ribcage with the basic emergency kit.

As Chakotay's eyes opened he groaned lightly and when he shifted again he winced, releasing a sharp hissing breath before beginning to cough.

"Take it easy," she warned, resting a hand on his shoulder to keep him still. "Your ribs are pressing against your lungs."

He nodded and tried to moisten his dry lips. "Have to say," he began groggily. "This isn't how I pictured myself dying."

"You're not going to die, Chakotay."

He cracked a smile, his eyes opening further and finally looking up in her direction. "Is that an order, Captain?"

"I'm not your captain anymore," she reminded him. "But yes, consider it an order."

"My chest feels like an elephant sat on it." He shifted his lower limbs and winced yet again.

Kathryn smirked lightly and dabbed at the moisture along his hairline with the cloth. "That's because an elephant _did_ sit on it."

She glanced out the open doorway to see the elephant like creature now being used to move fallen trees. It was more of a pale cream color than Terran elephants, and its trunk was longer and thicker, but otherwise the two were very similar. As she watched the large animal using it's trunk to move the logs her mind briefly flashed to only an hour or so before when, in a state of territorial protectiveness, it had broken free of its handler and charged towards Chakotay whom it knew only as a stranger. Chakotay had been no match for the much larger creature and hadn't had time to dive out of the way. While it hadn't sat on him per say, it _had_ hit him in the torso with its massive trunk and thrown him backwards. Had the handler not acted so quickly the animal likely would have stepped on Chakotay as well. 

"More or less," she added. When Chakotay began chuckling, which turned to another coughing fit, she arched an eyebrow down at him. "What's so funny?"

Chakotay closed his eyes for a moment once he'd caught his breath. "It just reminds me of something from my Academy days."

"Oh? Care to share?" She was curious, but mostly it was a diversion tactic. If he was talking than he was awake. And keeping him awake was the best she could do at the moment.

"It was during one my Survival Courses. The instructor, a former bolian commander…"

"Commander Kam," she supplied with a nod while busying herself with ringing out the cloth.

"That's him," Chakotay said. "He took us to the holodeck for an exam one day. We all knew the test was coming, even knew what it'd be about, but Commander Kam liked to pretend it was some sort of classified secret." He laughed breathlessly, his eyes opening again, and he stared up at the makeshift tent with an amused look in his slightly dazed gaze. "We get there and he loads the program. It was set in the Vulcan desert and we were supposed to be up against a pack of wild le-matya."

Kathryn paused her ministrations, the cloth now stilled at his neck, and caught his eyes with a suspicious look. "Supposed to be?"

"Someone had altered the program," he stated with a crooked smile.

She scoffed and continued wiping away sweat and grime. "Of course they did."

"When Kam started the program...instead of a pack of furious le-matya there was a herd of elephants."

"Elephants?"

"Uh huh." He licked his chapped lips in an effort to moisten them again before continuing. "And apparently Commander Kam had an elephant phobia, as we found out that day. Something about being nearly trampled by one during shore leave on Earth or something."

He was getting dangerously close to slipping back into unconsciousness. When he paused his story Kathryn's pulse quickened and she tensed. "So what happened?" His eyes were now closed, she noted. And his breathing was growing more unsteady. She placed the cloth back in the bowl of water and moved so she was seated closer to his side and facing him more directly. "Chakotay?" she said, putting a hand on his shoulder and gently squeezing just enough to get his attention. "Chakotay, don't go to sleep. Finish the story."

Chakotay startled awake, his breath hitching at the sudden jolt, but managed to take a deep breath. At least as deep of a breath as he could take under the circumstances. He flinched in discomfort, but with an almost visible effort he continued. "Kam started running all around the desert with a baby elephant chasing after him. Suffice it say we were all doing evac drills for weeks after that." He opened his eyes further and met her gaze with a tired smile. "I guess I can kind of sympathize with him now."

"Maybe when we get back to Earth you two can discuss it," she said with a chuckle.

"Kathryn...."

"Don't." She leveled him with a warning look that she knew he would recognize instantly. "Don't start, Chakotay. You're going to be alright." She looked over her shoulder towards the entrance and then back down at him. "Don't move. I'm going to check with Ambassador Cobbs and see if he's heard from the Doctor yet. Try and stay awake."

"Yes, ma'am," he agreed weakly.

She stood and wiped her grime covered hands on her uniform pants as she moved towards the entrance, the rubber boots she'd been given to trudge through the mud squeaked softly as she did, but before she could make it more than a couple steps she heard his tired voice call her back. Thinking the worse she stiffened and turned back to face him. "Yes?"

She watched closely as he slowly reached out a hand, stretching out his arm as much as he could, until his fingers grazed the stem of a flower that was peeking out from under the tent wall. Its petals were a deep crimson, its prickly leaf an even darker green, and she was half-way certain it was a weed of some sort. With a quick tug that's followed by a wince he pulled the flower and then raises his arm just enough to make it obvious he was trying to give her the flora.  "I'm sorry it couldn't be a rose."

For a second the thought that he might just be delusional passes through her mind, but she brushes the thought away. Even if he were it wouldn't matter. She takes the offered flower all the same and gives him a half-smile in return. "It's alright, Chakotay. You can get me one when we get back to..."

"I may not make it," he says calmly. She has no doubt now that he's coherent. The pained, but clear look to his eyes is evidence enough. "Kathryn, the chances are that the Doctor won't...."

"Chances, Chakotay? Chances? How many times have we overcome the odds? We've survived this long, so you're not about to die now."

Their eyes remained locked for a few short seconds, only the sound of his labored breathing and the work going on outside the tent filling the void between them. "Thank you," he said softly. "I never really wanted my file to read 'death by elephant trampling' anyway."

"Technically it'd be 'pushka' trampling."

"That makes me feel better," he replied with blatant sarcasm in his tone.

The fact that he's still coherent enough to have a sense of humor eases her concern more than she'd expected. With a half-smile she turned to go find Cobbs. "Just stay here. I'll be back in a minute," she says over her shoulder.

"Kathryn..."

With a roll of her eyes she stopped and turned back around yet again. "If you keep calling me back I'm never going to...."

"I love you." His tired eyes searched her face, waiting for any sign of what she was thinking. "You know that, right?" he asked weakly, his energy draining, after a few seconds of silence between them.

Kathryn's breath hitched in her throat, her chest constricting from the declaration. What could she say in return to that? They were on a foreign planet, waiting anxiously for the Doctor to arrive while Chakotay slowly lost the battle to continue breathing. And Chakotay somehow thought _now_ was a good time bring this up. Perhaps he really was more delusional than she'd originally thought.

She forced herself to smile softly, though it no doubt came across as strained, and nodded. "Yes, Chakotay. I know."

To her surprise Chakotay reached up towards her as much as he was able. Unsure what he was attempting to do she knelt back down at his side and as soon as she did she felt Chakotay's hand slip into her hers. "Before the Doctor gets here," he breathed out, tugging her downwards.

His eyes traveled to her lips and before she knew it there were mere inches between them. Their breaths mingled as her lips parted, his fingers lacing through hers and squeezing encouragingly. They were so close her nose grazed his. With an amused half-smile she leaned in to close the distance and he met her half-way. When their lips finally meet she feels a warmth in her chest that she hadn’t felt in a long time and that had absolutely nothing to do with the humidity.

After only a few seconds she pulls away though, not wanting to add any needless pressure to his injuries. "That better not have been a goodbye."

"It wasn't."

"Good." With her lips still tingling from the far-too-brief contact she places a chaste, but tender kiss on his cheek. "I'm going to..."

Before she could finish or move away from him another voice interrupts her.

"Really, Admiral, laying on top of my patient isn't going to make my job any easier." With a self-satisfied expression the Doctor moved over towards them just as she began to stand. He shoots her a knowing and far too smug look before kneeling down in the spot she'd once occupied. "If you'll excuse me."

She caught Chakotay's eye over the Doctor's knelt form and held his gaze for a second before breaking the connection. "I'll be outside, Doctor. I expect a report on his condition as soon as you have one to give."

The Doctor's only acknowledgement is a distracted nod as he runs a tricorder of his patient. With one final glance in Chakotay's direction she turns and leaves the tent.

 

* * *

 

**_Chakotay POV:_ **

 

The medical bay of the USS Escambia was spacious, far more spacious than _Voyager_ 's, and Chakotay almost felt as if he were in a room all his own. The portable separator stands set up around his biobed were unneeded as far as he was concerned, but the young medical technician assigned to him had insisted that he needed his privacy in order to rest and recover. He had a sneaking suspicion the crewman only fussed over him so much because of his 'Voyager' status. There were some it seemed who still viewed the old _Voyager_ crew with a bit of hero fascination.

When the crewman pushed open one of the stands and ushered Kathryn inside with obvious excitement Chakotay felt his assessment had been current. The glowing admiration in the young medical technician's eyes as he stared at the former captain of _Voyager_ was blatant and if his sides weren't so sore Chakotay probably would have laughed.

"Here he is, ma'am," the crewman stated proudly. "If you need anything please just let me know."

"Thank you, Mr. Callan." Kathryn gave the young man a friendly smile and, after a couple of seconds hesitation, the technician finally backed out of the little makeshift room and pulled the stand closed behind him.  

"So," Kathryn began as she stepped up beside the biobed he was resting on. "You're going to live."

Chakotay smiled and pushed himself up into a sitting position and shifted to make room for her to perch on the edge of the bed. "I'm going to live," he confirmed. "Not that I had much choice. I couldn't exactly disobey a direct order."

Kathryn scoffed with a teasing half-smile. He thought he might have caught the subtle hints of something not so teasing underneath though. "Couldn't you?"

"When have I ever disobeyed one of your orders?" As soon as the words were out he regretted it. They both knew there had been a time or two when he had in fact disobeyed a direct order from her. It was a sore subject between them at the best of times and they rarely discussed it.

"I could come up with a few times....," she alluded.

He winced slightly, though this time not so much from pain, as he shifted again and looked away. "Never mind."

A few seconds of awkward silence passed between them as he tried to think of a way to change the subject. When he felt her hand slipping into his he had to look at their conjoined hands just to make sure he wasn't hallucinating.

"Thank you for going along with me to Bithren, Chakotay. I know you didn't have to," she said softly, and he could hear the sincerity in her voice.

His first reaction was to ask how she knew he didn't have to. He thought he'd kept his volunteering behind her back pretty well hidden. She hadn't mentioned it or questioned how he'd gone from a lecturing position at the Academy to an aide mission.

When he'd heard about the mission though, and heard that she could likely be away for a few weeks, he'd known he had to go with her. For seven years he'd been at her side and even afterwards they'd seen each other regularly. If nothing else he had hoped they could get some time alone to really discuss a few important things. The closest they'd gotten to that discussion had been while he was slowly finding it harder and harder to breathe though. He supposed he could probably find some irony in that if he looked long enough.

In the end he shouldn't have been surprised she'd known of his volunteering though, he quickly realized. She was Kathryn Janeway after all. "You don't have to thank me," he told her firmly. "You never had to before and you certainly don't need to now, Kathryn."

"Maybe not....," she said, trailing off for a moment as she studied him closely with a well-practiced guarded expression.  "But it's the right thing to do."

"Right thing to do." _Of course it was_ , he thought to himself. She always did the 'right' thing. Slowly a smile fought its way onto his face as he ran his thumb over her knuckles in lazy circular patterns. "And was kissing your former First Officer in the middle of a jungle the right thing to do too?"

"At the time," she answered, the corner of her lips twitching upwards. The glimmer of mischief in her eyes was a look he'd always been captivated by. Just as he'd always been captivated by her mere presence.

His mouth suddenly felt dry, his heart skipping a beat, and he didn't think it had anything to do with the medication the ship's doctors had given him. "But not now?"

Kathryn shifted closer to the head of the bed, inching closer to him in the process, and began to lean forward. His eyes darted behind her shoulder in an automatic reflex to check for anyone watching. There wasn't, there couldn’t be with the stands in place, and he was suddenly sure she already knew that as well. Her hand gave his a gentle squeeze, just as he'd done to hers back on Bithren, and he couldn't help the way his heart picked up pace again.

"No," Kathryn answered. They were so close their breaths were once again mingling. He could feel a prickling shooting down his limps and an exhilarating warmth flood through him.  "I think now's the perfect time," she finished.

She sealed the statement by pressing her lips to his.


	5. Epilogue

"Have you returned fully, son? Are you whole once more?"

"Yes, father. I am in good health."

"Good. Now what have we learned?"

"That those humans are stubborn."

"Many such species are. We have been blessed with no such hindrance. Other than their stubborn nature though....."

"There is love there, but how do we know the answer to his request?"

"His desire is to be loved and to be the one to love that whom he desires most."

"But our response?"

"Sometimes the simplest answer is the correct path to take. You observed the incident in which they had little control?"

"With that disturbing Leola root substance. Yes."

"They were close then to realizing their potential. My theory is that it was the kiss from months before, while with our friends the Vattallans, which made such a reaction possible. Cause and effect, son. One event, while seemingly unrelated, can have an unforeseen and unnoticeable effect on a following event. Life is not a story of one moment, or one timeframe even. And theirs is a story spanning a series of events that progress and spiral for many years. To pick just one moment out of their existence would not explain their relationship as a whole. Life is far more complex than that. It is the undercurrents of consequences, the unseen connections, the slow unraveling of life which paints the existence of a being as a whole. It is a mosaic of thoughts and emotions and actions. Only by seeing the whole picture can you truly understand."

"You still have not explained why we respond the way we do though, father."

"There is no easy explanation, son, that is the point. Now, write the message and send it through the Portal."

"Kiss her under the Roka's light before you lose her forever?"

"Yes. That's right, son. Very good. Now send it through and let the path be set."

"I still do not understand."

"You will one day. It just takes practice."

 


End file.
